Britain - Home of the Loony's!

If it wasn't so sad it would be funny! For this post I have chosen five of the most ridiculous stories to come out of the UK this week. 
Firstly, in Southampton in southern England, a man turned up at the hospital's casualty department with his penis stuck in a length of steel tubing. The hospital staff could not release it because the situation had caused the man to become aroused thereby enlarging his penis and making it impossible. You really couldn't make this up!!!! Eventually his penis was freed from the pipe by a very delicate operation carried out by.....wait for it!.....Firemen with a metal grinder!!!!!! When I read this story I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Apparently the man left the hospital without any explanation as to how he got his penis stuck in a piece of pipe.
Ed Balls the Schools Secretary for Great Britain is quoted as saying that primary school pupils (aged 7 to 11) and secondary schools (ages 11 to 16) should learn Mandarin i.e Chinese! His reason for such a statement is that Britain has increasing business ties with China and the business sector needs Chinese speakers. Does this mean that it must become part of the national curriculum and a requirement for all children to learn Chinese? I may be stupid, but I can speak Chinese!

He is right in one thing, it should be compulsory for all children in English schools to learn a foreign language; but Chinese? It would be far more useful for them to learn French, German or perhaps Spanish. Britain has for decades fallen behind other European nations in the teaching of foreign languages in schools, leaving it up to the pupils to decide. When it comes to languages the British are notoriously lazy.

Britain's erstwhile Prime Minister Gordon Brown has decreed that poor homes should be given a free laptop and broadband access so the parents can communicate with their children's school. So Gordon is of the opinion that the tax payer should foot the bill for this, and of course poor parents will immediately get 'on line' and follow their offspring's progress at school. I think it more likely there will suddenly be a glut of laptops being offered at knock-down prices in the local pubs to finance a few more pints of best bitter.

On a more serious note, A family of five bought a house for £285,000 and decided to have it structurally altered and renovated. They moved into a rented apartment while the builders were working. After the Christmas break they went to the house and found a group of Romanian squatters occupying the house. They had changed all the locks which prevented the owner from entering. He went to the Police, and on enquiring as to the legal status of the squatters being in the country was told he was racist. Eventually it turned out that the Romanians had become victims of a black con man who had 'rented' them the property. They thought they were legal and had every right to be there, but the black guy was not the owner. It took two weeks for the legal situation to be sorted out, and now, much to the families relief, things are back to normal. The Squatters, they moved into a house further down the street. The con man? He disappeared into a richer puff of smoke.

It has been known for years that Britain needs more jails, and now finally the Labour Government has made plans for more to be built. Britain is way ahead of the rest of Europe when it comes to the size of its prison population. For years, Judges have been given instructions not to send so many felons to jail, no matter how much they deserve it, because the jails are already overcrowded. Prisoners have been released after serving a fraction of their sentence to make room for the next influx of criminals. Many have been hardened criminals who go on to offend again and again after release. For the toe-rags inside for drug dealing, theft and rape etc. they do a fraction of their sentence and then its business as usual.

Strange though it may seem, this plan to build more jails has raised a storm of criticism. Groups, and even MP's, are decrying the move saying resources should be put into preventing crime, not punishing it. I suppose this means more Miss Goody Two-Shoes talking to hardened career criminals trying to convince them of the error of their ways??? I suppose this means that felons will get more non-custodial sentences while the 'Goody Brigade' go to work on them to convince them that it really isn't 'nice' to beat up old age pensioner ladies for the few shillings they have in their purses???? It really is too bizarre for words. These 'Goody Goody" idiots have done so much harm to the English way of life that they should be put against a wall and shot without the chance of parole. I have always been of the opinion that if a criminal is behind bars, he cannot commit more crimes. If the British Penal System were designed to make incarceration so hard that felons would never want to go back to prison after release (like the old days), that more than anything else would cut the crime rate.

Such a shame, but I think the whole country has gone to the dogs!

Woof Woof!

Roy.

Its Not Mi Falt I Carnt Spel!

Sum Englysh peeple tooday just carnt spel if there lives dipended on it! And gess wot, exkuses are beeing mayd for them by the peeple whu do the teeching. A lekturer from one of Britans universatys has gon so far as to say wee shud even akcept sum wurds that ar speled badli as an alturnativ speling.

I'm sorry I just can't keep this up, it goes against every fibre of my body to write so badly. I often read the comments people send in on news stories when browsing the Internet news pages, and I am appalled and shocked when I see the level of illiteracy exhibited by so many writers, and I am not talking about children, but adults.

What is more, it distresses me no end to see the steady decline in written English standards over the decades. It has come to a point now where the majority of people who speak and write good English are foreigners who have English as a second language.

There is currently an article in the Times Educational Supplement written by a Ken Smith, a criminology lecturer at Buckinghamshire New University where he states that commonly misspelled words should be accepted as they are, such as 'judgment' for judgement, or 'truely' for truly.

In his view, Universities should accept the misspelled words as a viable alternative to the correct one, including all the exceptions to the 'i' before 'e' rule. My advice chum, stick to criminology!

This basic rule has been around for aeons in the English education system and has withstood the test of time. It is well known there are exceptions to this rule, and for this reason The Government of all people is urging schools not to teach it any more.

Bethen Marshall, a senior English lecturer at King's College London has said; "if you change it and say we won't have this rule, then we won't have any rules at all, then spelling, which is already terribly confusing, becomes even more so". The government document, called Advice for Spelling' (or should that be 'Advise for Speling?) has been issued for 'under-11's as part of the National Primary Strategy.

This document advises other methods of teaching children spelling, like, would you believe, studying TV listings for compound words!?!?! If the government cannot get its act together, how on earth can they expect the teaching profession, which has been failing students for decades, to pull its collective socks up!

Westminster Endowed Church of England Primary School in Stroud has now gone so far as to stop giving its pupils spelling lesson homework because "the children find it so distressing". Gloucestershire County Council, responsible for the school, said; "it was entirely up to the school to decide if they wish to use spelling lists". Its statement went on to add; "It is important to recognise the strengths a variety of approaches can bring". 'Atchooo!' Sorry I just sneezed, I'm allergic to bullshit!

I know personally many Germans, Danish, Romanians, Spanish, Dutch and Italians (Well-a maybe-a not-a the-a Italians-a) who speak, read, write, and spell, better than the average English person! Hell! Even some Americans speak better English than the English! Sorry guys and gals, just kidding!

The decline in standards has gone down to the extent that a government report last year stated, 4 out of every 5 children leaving school could not read and write properly.

We are talking about the English language here, the most widely spoken international language on the planet, and England, its birthplace.

The question is, can this problem be fixed? I am afraid the answer appears to be, no definitely not! Part of what is happening is due to the increasing influence allowed, and in some cases encouraged by the government and schools, of the immigrant population.

Some schools reported recently requests to go over to teaching in a foreign language such as Turkish or Hindu, because of the high number of Turkish or inversely, Indian or Pakistani pupils. Why in the name of Heaven should an English school, in England, teach the National Curriculum in a foreign language? It is just too bizaar to believe.

The losers in all this have to be the native English children who are being marginalised in favour of the immigrant population. This is one of the great tragedies of Britain today, but no-one seems to have the eyes to see it.

I firmly believe, and have often stated, that all immigrant children who come to Britain, must learn the language of their adopted home. Britain is the only country in the world that is turning its entire culture and beliefs over to new arrivals. Yes, there is justification for the immigrant population to retain their own culture and languages, but only so long as it does not affect or influence British culture.

Another reason why I think the decline cannot be reversed is simply there are few teachers capable of instructing the pupils in the correct use of the language, and the national curriculum doesn't provide for better teaching methods. Standards have degraded to such a low level over such a long period of time that many of the educators are lost. The only way forward is to bring back the National Curriculum of 50 years ago, and perhaps, bring all the teachers of that era out of retirement. The only other alternative is to ship all our school age children to Germany, Holland or Denmark to learn the language! It's all so very sad!

"'Scuse me Miss, how do you spell supercalifr.....that word?"

"I have no idea John now sit down."

Roy.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!